Last Snowfall

As many may have guessed Chris my angel my best friend my First Love is no longer with me and I am not going to put the saddness I felt on the day I lost him but the feelings and all the wonderful smiles we shared before I lost him on that day

It was December 26th day after Christmas we were off to go to our going away party in Seward we both had made it into American Ballet theater and asked to start as soloist we impressed the school that much this was a huge honor for us both. Chris Uncle was driving us and we were in the back of the car suitcases already there and he like always was sitting right beside me holding me tickling me laughing his Uncle teased him about how he would always say I am going to marry Jennifer one day and he said well I asked her and she agreed ( that is a whole other sweet memory) So there we were 15 and on top of our game nothing could bring us down we were laughing about bloobers and mishaps on the stage we had stopped at Beluga point for no reason but it has started to snow and he wanted to dance so we left the car and started to dance in the snow things were so quite when we danced we could not hear a single thing not even passing cars all we heard were the crashing waves and when I laid my head on his chest I could hear his heart beat it was a cold night but in his arms there was nothing but warmth.

Chris shared something with me that night to almost make me wonder now if he knew what would happen but while we listened to the waves and danced he tilted my head up and kissed me and looked deep in my eyes and told me that he could not imagine a life with out his angel and that he hoped that heaven would not choose to take me before him because his life would feel so empty with out me ( to a 15 year old it seemed silly I mean we were 15 death was no where near in our minds) well it was touching and I just did as he called it cute giggle and smiled and he said this world is blessed with you my angel please never forget that and if we do not stay together through this all and do someday take our seperate ways please remember I will always love you no matter what. I looked at him strange this was pretty deep and I told him I know I would always have him and he said I am serious be us across country different continients or in different lovers arms I will always be there and if we do not wed I will be there at your wedding nothing would make me miss that I told him I would hope not since he is soppose to be the groom.

We finished dancing one more dance and he took me to the car opening the door and we got in and cuddled as we drove on to Seward. We were laughing so much and imaging how it would be to dance for American Ballet Theater and enroll in a real full time Ballet school it was going to be so much different then Alaska though we were going to miss Alaska Greatly.

The moments before I lost Chris to the drunk Driver knowing we were going to be hit I remember and will always remember looking in his eyes and feeling safe and content his arms around me holding me protecting me his eyes were filled with such love such hope and warmth compassion devotion I didnt feel fear in those moments but Love and warmth.